User blog:AKFrost/World of Weaponry (1-50)

Events are fictionalized.



"Tower of Weaponry, huh..." I mused as Mira floated behind me.

"I don't feel so well..." Simeon the Sniper was looking blue. I glared at him.

"Take it like a man. It's your fault in the beginning that I got two of you!"

"What!?" Simeon looked incredulous, and then glared at Mira.

"Master, it's all his fault... Master, it's all his fault..." Mira whispered into my

ear.

"Are you quite sure Eisuke isn't right?" Lancelot asked me.

"About her being a phantom actually? I'm pretty inclined to believe him." I replied.

Lancelot snickered as Mira glared at me.

"You're horrible." She pouted.

"I haven't forgotten about the bento incident." I glared back. "You really think the

leader of the Ghost Guild and possibly one of the three sacred treasures would make

lunch for you?"

Before Mira could protest, I motioned the other shikigamis to follow me.

"Master! You need my guidance!" Mira hurried after me.

"Are you going to park us up a tree again?" I hissed.

"No..." Mira seemed near tears.

"Well then let's get this over with then. Strongest Anima... You'd think a mirror like

you would stand no chance..."

"You're so mean!" Yatagarasu interrupted. I guess he always had a crush on Mira.

"Who do you think is the strongest anima, master?" Arondight said. "I won't get mad

and skewer you if you say it's not me."

"I got two Lancelots and one of you, you want to play that game?" I replied. Arondight

looked deflated.

"I thought you were nice, but I guess that was all a facade." She said.

"I was never 'nice' in the sense that I'll take you to dinners and whisper sweet

nothings into your ear." I said, "We still got work to do."

With morale sufficiently low, I entered the tower. Hell would I give them false hope

about winning this... stupid contest. We all know there's gonna be some dark horse

candidate with apocalytpic powers showing up at the last second to take it.



"What do you mean, 'evacuate the building'?!" Mira demanded as Susa Soldier explained

the situation.

"Look, Susan, mind me calling you Susan?" I asked, "I paid, or rather, Mira paid, some

serious gold for this event, and you're just gonna tell us to cancel it because some

eight-headed snake is gonna show up?"

"YES I MIND!" Susa Soldier screamed. "IT's not a damned snake, it's a DRAGON! One of

the most POWERFUL demons in history!"

"A dragon? Where!?" Dragonslayer's voice screamed as Arondight burped suddenly.

"Maybe it was a mistake feeding her to you." I mused. "In any case Susan, we got the

divine blade Arondight here that's good at slaying dragons, assuming this is a dragon.

Not sure why you'd call it a snake if it's a dragon."

"STOP Calling me Susan! Don't you know who I am? I am the god Susanoo-no-Mikoto!"

"I hate to break it to you, Susan, but I've fed plenty of gods to these shikigamis

following me. You're next if you don't calm the hell down."

"Are you threatening a god?" Susa Soldier demanded.

"What are you going to do about it?" I replied. "I see you don't even have your fabled

sword."

Susa Soldier sighed. "She doesn't like showing off."

"And neither should you." I snickered. "But I'll offer you a deal. Since Mira is so

insistent on going to the top. I'll warn the others on your stead. I don't think it's

going to work too well, but eh, can't hurt to try."

"I'm going to cut it... I'm going to dice it into a million pieces..." Kotetsu on the

other hand seemed to be in a trance.

"Great enthusiasm there." I commented, "Arondight, We'll still be counting on you...

possibly."

"Possibly?" She asked.

"If I can beat it with the weasel attack force over there, then let's not waste your

time." I said.

"But I want to cut it too!" She said, "I want to dice it to a million pieces..."

"Is this a popular saying nowadays?" Mira sighed.

"Perhaps." I said, "But look at poor Susan here. Can you imagine his nemesis being

worth cutting?"

"...No." Kotetsu and Arondight seemed to have snapped out of it immediately.

"I AM NOT SUSAN!" Susa Soldier screeched.

"I don't like pronouncing the last two syllables, looks obscene." I said.

"SUSA THEN!" Susa Soldier hissed.

"Fine, Susan, whatever you say." I said.

"..."

Susa Soldier seems to be ignoring me now. Mira looked apologetic.



"Want Weapons? I am the Merchant of Death." A voice said as we ascended the tower.

"You awakened your inner transvestite, Anatolyevich?" I commented as I saw the getup.

"No, apparently in this strange world. Dying as a man yields an 85% chance of becoming

a female ghost." Merchant of Death said.

"That doesn't mean you have to show off your assets that way..." I said.

"Well? Weapons?" She ignored me.

"You should leave the tower." Mira said, "The Yamata-no-Orochi is about to reawaken."

"What? This is a great opportunity!" Merchant of Death said. "When a great war is

coming, people will want the best weapons!"

"I think I suck at persuation..." Mira said, "But I will not give up!"

"Perhaps you should." Lancelot snickered again.

"Leave her alone." I said. Sometimes it's better to throw a dog a bone. Besides, only

I get to pick on Mira.

"Ah, she's gone again." Arondight pointed.

"Oh, right, Master. You should be collecting soul fragments." Mira said, "I forgot to

tell you."

"Well, good thing I don't just wait until you're saying-so to do it then." I pointed

behind me.

"Master, I want to fight..." Hansel pouted. His pockets are stuffed full of fragments.

"This is undignified for a queen." Daji yelled. She looked pregnant holding onto all

the fragments in her dress.

"I said I'd serve you as your sword, not your bitch." Shotaro said.

"Cut that awful racket out!" I commanded. Shotaro immediately went silent.



"I've sold all my wares, so I'll follow you now." Merchant of Death said happily as we

caught up to her.

"Oh good." Hansel said as he immeidately dumped the fragments he was holding into

Merchant of Death's sack. Daji followed suit, and soon Merchant of Death was holding

onto all my fragment possessions.

"Maybe I should keep her on a leash." I said, "She might steal..."

"I won't let her." Revvie said.

I doubted her accuracy, but I didn't want Merchant to be getting any ideas.

"Let's move then. I've been pretty lazy about this to be honest. Look at all the

people that passed us." I motioned when an awful noise permeated the place.

"Ah! Look out below!" A missile? I instinctively pulled Mira in front of me.

"Aaaah! Master I hate you!" Mira's howl never ended as the missile slammed head-on

into her.

"I'll make it up to you later..." I whispered into her ear as my weasels went to work

on the rocket.

"Who is this noisy anima? We can't leave her alone like this!" Mira seemed instantly

placated, and became her usual self again. When my weasels brought the anima to me,

however...

"She's all yours." Mira hid behind me. That bitch...

"I'm in a hurry, Sorry, talk to you later." I spoke quickly, turned around and ran...

right into Kotetsu.

"Well, what a makeover you got there, still missing a shoe I see."

"It's for my fans with a foot fetish." Kotetsu said.

"Kotetsu seems different... full of killing intent." Merchant whispered to me.

"If you say something strange again, I'll dice you into a million pieces!" Kotetsu

said.

Mira and Merchant began whispering to each other.

"See you fools later." Kotetsu ran.



"More missiles?" Mira screamed as Pale launched at her. I stood idly by laughing my

head off. After Pale fired her missiles. My weasels went up and dismantled her. It

turned out to be a dummy, howevr.

"Master..." Mira cried as I still kept laughing. "You're the worst!"

"So how did you meet merchant here?" I asked Pale.

"We were part of an arms deal. I got a good price." Pale smiled proudly.

"So an anima's worth is its owner's magnamity..." Mira commented, "I swear master, I'm

not asking for a raise."

"What do I pay you for?" I said.

"You don't pay us." Lancelot said.

"What would you do with money anyway? I got silver if you want it." I said.

"I want a snack worthy of a Knight of the Round Table." Lancelot said proudly.

"Sure, whatever, if you find a food vendor I'll treat you." I said.

"What about me?!" Mira demanded.

"I'd treat you too, but can you even eat?" I countered.

"... I hate you." Mira turned her head away from me.

"I know." I said, "let's go on."



"AAH!" Mira hopped around frantically as Pale fired more missiles at her. I couldn't

resist and started laughing again.

"You shouldn't waste taxpayer funds like this, Pale. The DoD paid good money for this

ordnance." Merchant chided Pale.

"Oh, but I only get to fire blanks! So boring!"

"I'll pay for the missiles, I needed a good laugh like this." I offered.

"Why am I serving you again...?" Mira cried.

"You're not serving me if you constantly get me in trouble." I countered, "I haven't

fired you yet because of Professor Yata."

"Master, I must protest." Yatagarasu interrupted.

"I think Kukunochi is lost..." I said.

"What?! I must go help her!" Yata flew off. That dumb bastard.



"Are you looking for weapons?" Hephaestus's voice boomed.

"No..." Mira answered for me. She really needs to stop doing that.

"Then get out!" Hephaestus commanded.

"Sure, mind giving me some frags?" I asked.

Hephaestus swung at me, I ordered Barbetta to fire. As Hephaestus parried the bullet,

my weasels surrounded him and robbed him.

"Thanks." I said as I ran off, while Mira stayed behind to tend to the God with

wounded pride.



I bumped into Kotetsu again. In front of her was Pale. Pale launched her rockets, but

Kotetsu effortlessly cut down all of them.

Mira hugged Kotetsu as I scowled. "Revvie, fire."

"No, Master" Revvie said, "I can't in good conscience do that."

"Dorothy?" I looked around, but couldn't see her.

Pale, on the other hand, seemed surprised, and she ran off.

"How sad! The strongest weapon in the world is still the sword!" Kotetsu declared.

"I can't agree more." Juzumaru's voice boomed as he came into view.

As Mira told him about the Orochi threat, Juzumaru's eyes gleamed.

"I want to cut it... I want to dice it into a million pieces..."

"Has this kind of talk been popular lately?!" Mira demanded.

"Since a long time ago..." Merchant replied. Mira looked dejected.

"We still got a Pale to catch. Let's not dawdle." I said.



As predicted, Kotetsu and Juzumaru took down all the missiles effortlessly.

"Am I the anti-missile system here or you?!" Pale demanded.

"Weasels! Take her!" I commanded, but Pale ran away again. This turned out to only be a short distance, however, when I caught up and finally captured her.