User blog comment:Akasha1908/Cursed: Part 2/@comment-14298960-20131008085928

First thing, typo: how [he] wanted.

Good job as usual, Akasha, but I have a few things which I find inconsistent.

First, the conversation with Dimitri seemed a little off. It doesnt have the feeling of raw primal intimidation that Dracula's aura had during the first chapter. I think he ought to have been more threatening rather than "accomodating".

Then there's the Nikolai, I'm not exactly certain where he stands, is he an new or old vampire? I can't tell whether he is suppose to be strong or weak to be honest. Also why would he bother to break the wench's ankles? He is a vampire, he wouldnt care (I know you're trying to break the mold, but this is one point where I think a more cat like bully the mouse type approach rather than barbarism would prove more vampire-like). There was no feasible way she was going to escape so it felt out of place.

Lastly, there's good all Meph, I personally think you did him a disrespect here. He wasn't quite as cunning as you would normally portray one such as him and he cannot really have delivered Soph's soul to hell did he? Why would he? The soul should belong to him shouldn't it? or was that just a lie to get out of hot water? or are you referring to some sort of "container" where he keeps his collection? (I'm a bit of a traditionalist, and to me demons use souls as currency and to give one as scrupmtious as Soph's away is the height of stupidity for a demon no?)

Ok thats all, good chapter all in all but there were several things that felt off too me as I've stated above. It's my personal opinion though so I only hope it helps. (I can easily give the last chapter a 9/10 but I can't honestly give this chapter more than a 6.5/10 >.<)

P.S. I have a pet peeve with the word forgive. I personally hate it when someone says "forgive me". I think you should never ask for forgiveness and instead simply apologize and attempt to atone for your wrong. Forgiveness in my opinion should not be asked for but given at the offended party's own discretion. Of course this is my issue, not the letter's or the stories itself so ignore this, just a pet peeve.

I also noticed the nice little touch with the Teppes line, but I'm not sure wether I like it or not. Part of me is saying out of place and the other is saying cool shout out.